Safety

Almost two years ago I was at a retreat with a small group, when the person leading our time there asked if our workplace was a “safe space” for us all. Each person gave an answer that was something to the effect of, “not with the people we serve, but yes with this group,” but I didn’t feel safe with that group of people.

The main leader had yelled at me multiple times in the months leading up, cussing me out on at least one occasion. The assistant leader had told me, in not so many words, that they didn’t care what happened to me, as long as I wasn’t in their way.

I mumbled through my response, lying and saying I felt like the others, but it made me think what it would take to create a safe space for me with that group.

Churches claim to be safe spaces for all. It’s easy to see signs of “all are welcome” on marquees. Ask just about any churchgoer, and I’m sure they would tell you that their church is truly safe, and that all are welcomed and invited in.

Any leader, boss or pastor would say that theirs is a safe place for every single person, but the reality is often different. At my last church I remember a teenager walking in on a Sunday morning for the time in her life, and the one comment I received was from a leading member of the church—that this girl needed to “Wear decent clothes.”

I remember one of my Sunday school teachers growing up be shunned from the church he had spent most of his adult life at when he initiated the divorce of him and his wife.

I remember at the same church the day when a lesbian couple walked in and were pretty summarily shunned by a majority of the church.

Every day I see men and women who call themselves leaders spread hate and lies, encouraging their followers to do the same, because someone they don’t agree with was elected to public office.

We are all called to be kind—treat others as you want to be treated—and as a Christian I am called to love others.

When we want to show those around us safety, we have to give them space to express themselves. When we want to show them love, we have to first create a space where they can experience that love without fear.

Unfortunately the lack of safety I felt with the people I was with on my retreat isn’t an isolated event. Last year I knew at least a dozen pastors that committed suicide because they felt alone and always in danger at their churches.

This year I’ve—thankfully—only know one, but I’ve met leaders from all over the world that tell me they’ve left churches and organizations because the people within attack and isolate them for lifestyle choices, personal politics, even the charities they give time and money to.

When I told the group leader at my retreat about my concerns and how I felt, he told me to start looking for a new job. This person then spent seven months gaslighting me, slowly pushing me out of the organization, isolating me from the other team members more and more.

This behavior happens in countless organizations, in countless cities, every single day.

It cannot continue. We must rise above the things that separate us, and it starts inside each and every one of us.

So this is an announcement. I am starting an organization for everyone.

I created group on Facebook specifically for youth ministry. It is built to be a safe space for anyone who works in youth ministry. I want us to be able to share resources, share ideas, share the highs and lows of youth ministry, and never make anyone feel like they have to justify their existence.

The group will be live later this week, but here is the link. If you are a youth pastor, director, volunteer, leader, whatever your church or organization may call you, you are invited.

My hope is that this organization expands and eventually includes other areas with specific groups for each, like children’s ministry, church leaders, and even non-religious organizations.

We need safety in our lives. We need love in our lives. Let’s work together to build a society that allows everyone to express themselves. Let’s build a faith that shares love with everyone we encounter, not just those who look, act and vote like us.

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